My native language

So, maybe my career as an English teacher isn't as beneficial as I once thought... Living here, I've come to realize that maybe I don't actually speak English at all. I speak "American." Which, by the way, the British don't consider a language. Yet I assure you that if more of them came to visit us, they'd discover that it isn't really the same at all!
For instance:
The use of the letter "z." Here, they frown upon using this letter in favor of the letter "s." So words like "realise," "socialise," and "organise." All look strange, but are pronounced exactly the same. In addition, this letter is not pronounced as "zee" and rhyming with "see," but as "zed," which rhymes with "dead." That just ruins the alphabet song!
They also overuse the letter "u" and add it unnecessarily to words like "colour," "favour," and "neighbour."
I'm started to integrate little used words like "well," "fit," "proper," "wicked," and "right" into my vocabulary. As in "That bloke is well fit and it would be wicked if he was a right proper dancer!" Translation: "That guy's really hot and it would be great if he was a good dancer!"
Also, what's a lorrie have to do with an 18 wheeler? Doesn't lorrie sound delicate and fragile to you? It does not at all imply the behemoth machine that TRUCK does in American.
Courgette=zucchini (Stupid Brits! Courgette isn't even English, it's French!)
Aubergine=eggplant (Aubergine- there they go with the French again! Lucky thing I do speak that!)
Crisps=potato chips (Huh?)
Chips=fries (OK, I know that one from 'fish and chips,' but seriously!)
Football=soccer (Damn you David Beckham!)
To end my rant, I'd like to know what phonetic rules govern the pronunciation of the words "vitamin" and "Leicester." In vitamin why does the UK use the short "i" twice, yet in the US we have one long "i" and one short "i?" What's the deal? In addition, there are too many vowels for the word "Leicester" to be pronounced "Lester!"
*I do however, concede the pronunciation of the word "aluminium." We Yanks tend to leave out a syllable or so...our bad! Silly former colony!